One of many awesome one liners from one of my favorite comedian-philosopher-satirists, and just plain hilarious wits of all time, George Carlin. His passing yesterday made me sad for a moment, but I know he wouldn't want that. So, don't feel sorry for George -- a man who lived on his own terms and spoke without fear.
All I can think of to say here is to quote some of my all-time favorite George-isms for you. Enjoy!
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Religion convinced the world that there's an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there's 10 things he doesn't want you to do or else you'll go to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! ...And he needs money! He's all powerful, but he can't handle money!
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
You always did that in spades George! Your legacy of your outstanding stand-up performances, eloquent vocabulary and poignant social commentary will live on forever.
Thank you for making my life a little brighter!